Well Laid Plans

Dorothy, Sophia, Blanche, Rose. That's the order I would fuck the golden girls in. If you were wondering.



Dorothy is the leader. She is like Lion-0 to the rest of these ThunderCougars. I get in there and blow her back out real quick then the rest of them will be sweet little pussy cats for me to have eating out of my hand.

Sofia got some years on her. She done had some 1930's dick in her. Depression dick. I am sure she supported the troops with that pussy in the 40's too. D-day dick. I'll get up in the guts and cause some flashbacks, she'll be yelling "I like Ike" while I am hittin that.

Blanche knows some tricks. I'll be writing a blog on the shit she pulled out of the hat on me. I would just show up with my dick and let her plan the picnic.

A Rose by any other name is still a dumb bitch. I like that shit though, it don't matter if they are 17 or 65, bitches be playing games. I can hear her now, "Oh I don't know if I can do that." Yes you can bitch let me show you. I'll have to play the game with her until I get it in, but then I am going to pin that ass to the bed and do some hardcore pound fucking.

Best Little Cocksucker in Texas

“Man that bitch can suck a dick!"


“Shit That Bitch be controlling it, two hands, no hands, she knows where your dick is going before it gets there.”


“Ho sucked my dick one time, I woke up the day before. When the time came I went and got my dick sucked again, I have been stuck in that loop for centuries.”


"Great Scott!!"


“That Bitch sucked my dick, I forgot how to walk. Had to relearn that shit like a baby, that’s embarrassing a grown ass man taking two steps then falling down from exhaustion, it was worth it though.”


“That Bitch sucked my dick one time and took my manhood. I couldn’t look a nigga in the eye for weeks. Walking in the store talkin bout ‘yes sir’ ‘thank you sir’ to mother fuckin Habib and them. Man fuck Habib.”

Everything is gonna be allright

Who got a neck longer than a giraffe? NOBODY cue the motherfucking Keith Sweat.



I don’t care how much money you got your neck ain’t never going to be as long as a giraffe’s. You can get them national geographic rings, you neck still coming up short.



My point is, I ain’t really got no point cause I am drunk. But anyway a motherfucking giraffe got a long neck and you can’t take that from him. So be you, buddy. You might not got a long neck but you got something. You got at least one hand, jack off. Can a giraffe jack off? If a tree falls in the woods I will still be jacking off to Jenaveve Joile, trying to fuck that lazy eye straight. Lube up homie.

Lil Pimpin Starter Kit

Lesson one: Slappin a bitch.

You rookie fucks might think you just slap a bitch and get your money right. Shit. Its been said before and it will be said again “Pimpin ain’t easy”. So Becky or whatever this bitch name is talking shit. You just trying to play Madden and do you, but she yappin in your ear about whatever the fuck bitches yap about. That’s how futuristic my pimpin is, I can’t even make reference to anything cause I don’t listen to them hoes. But yeah, slap a bitch...daily.



So in WW2, there were two bombs dropped on Japan. An atomic bomb is some serious shit why the fuck did we need to drop two? I’ll tell you. So they would know that the first one was not an accident. Pimpin is some serious shit too.

So you just slapped Jennifer or Katie one time across the face for bugging you about getting a job or whatever. Good job you are on your way, but this is where the most mistakes are made. You got to follow that shit up with some Nagasaki shit. You slap the bitch once she gonna come with that “how dare you” shit. You follow that up with another well timed slap. Not too quick or the bitch won’t be able to separate the two, and not too slow so she can recover. She’ll act right. You got to let her know it ain’t a mistake. No back tracking just straight forward pimpin.

Early Inspirations

When I was about fourteen in the early nineties, I was listening to regulate, you were listening to Coolio bitch. I was all about the jack off (some things never change). We didn’t have the internet back then so we had to do with what we had.

My top three make it happen beat-off visual aids were:

Chun Li:

Straight out of the Street Fighter 2 instruction book. She has them thick ass tasty legs and that little China girl dress on. I would put the game on and have two Chun Li’s fighting each other (I always thought the one in the blue was hotter so she would get most of my attention) and I would post up with the instruction book and do it do it. That was back in the old days when I could walk into a room and rub one out in thirty seconds and walk out like nothing happened. Now I got real porn and I got to work on that fucker (my dick) for thirty minutes to get it to spit out that baby gravy, and it don’t spit as far as it used to either but I guess that another blog.

Peggy Bundy:


Fuck that ol skinny ass Applegate. Peggy had the jiggle. Titties motherfucker in my face. Put em in my face!!!! I want to feel the warm in between them titties. Maybe a little damp too, titties be sweating. I’ll cool off the nipples with my tongue. With my fourteen year old dick I did not understand why Al wasn’t about fucking. But my 29 year old dick understands. Ain’t nothing more uncool than having sex with your wife or long term girlfriend. But that ain’t the point, you know how Jay-Z be saying “get the dirt off your shoulder”, fuck that “put them tits on my shoulder”.

Puerto Rican chicks at school with that tight Puerto Rican shit on:



So Victor Valesquez (or feel free to fill in the Rican name of your choice) goes to work at wherever the fuck he works at working x amount of hours for x amount of money. Some of this money is going to buy school clothes for his fourteen year old daughter Maritza. Maritza is a Ho (yeah capital H bitch), and she is fucking everyone but me. All I get is to appreciate them tight ass Ho clothes daddy bought her and take snapshots of that shit with my mind, so I can rush home after school and choke that motherfucker out. So I would like to thank all them Victor Vasquez, Benny Blanco motherfuckers for working them hours so I would have something proper to beat off to. If you reading this and you are supplying a young Rican female with clothes, thanks. I’ll be the guy jacking off.